Monday, June 25, 2012

my life and the way its gonna be

Just read this beautiful quote on sometimes sweet from Ann Druyan about her late husband Carl beautiful and touching....and exactly how I want to live and love

"When my husband died, because he was so famous and known for not being a believer, many people would come up to me — it still sometimes happens — and ask me if Carl changed at the end and converted to a belief in an afterlife. They also ask me if I think I will see him again. Carl faced his death with unflagging courage and never sought refuge in illusions. The tragedy was that we knew we would never see each other again. I don’t ever expect to be reunited with Carl. But, the great thing is that when we were together, for nearly twenty years, we lived with a vivid appreciation of how brief and precious life is. We never trivialized the meaning of death by pretending it was anything other than a final parting. Every single moment that we were alive and we were together was miraculous — not miraculous in the sense of inexplicable or supernatural. We knew we were beneficiaries of chance… That pure chance could be so generous and so kind… That we could find each other, as Carl wrote so beautifully in Cosmos, you know, in the vastness of space and the immensity of time… That we could be together for twenty years. That is something which sustains me and it’s much more meaningful…

The way he treated me and the way I treated him, the way we took care of each other and our family, while he lived. That is so much more important than the idea I will see him someday. I don’t think I’ll ever see Carl again. But I saw him. We saw each other. We found each other in the cosmos, and that was wonderful."
this really just got me thinking...especially right now while i am on the verge of this huge life change.  i am so excited about moving with matt, and i am even more excited to see what this brand new part of our life is going to bring. 
 i am going to miss home so much though.  i wish i could package everyone up and take them all with me.  but i've done a lot of thinking and i think this quote, and especially the part about how we lived together here while i've been home, that's what i am taking with me in my heart.  this time i've been living with my parents....the times my sister and i have from pittsburgh, the nyc trips with my mom and sisters....the precious moments i've had with busia.  these are all miraculous.  they're our moments.  they'll never be gone.  they're in my heart. 
now is the time for me and matt to start our journey.  we're both so excited.  i can tell by the number of times he calls me throughout the day....and the way he talks about the dogs.....he already has our whole summer break planned out.  my goodness i am so excited. 
love is such a good good love, sister love, momma love, good true and meaningful love

Saturday, April 28, 2012


i have had a heck of a couple of weeks.  especially the last one.   it's been a whirlwind.  it's like i am sitting still and all of the things on my to-do list are spinning around me like a bunch of tiny tornadoes.  and at the same time, matt has been busting his (very cute) little hiney house hunting out is vegas.  hes been eating, breathing, and sleeping houses lately.  i know it is weighing heavy on him.  he's feeling the pressure of me being out there in a very short two months, and i know he wants to make sure we have a roof over our heads.  i have so much to learn from him.  he is so so driven.  he's so strong.  he just makes things happen. 

i'm sitting down for the first time right now without anything to do.  i just finished my school work for the week, i took my big certification exam this morning, my brain is just about spent.  but i am reflecting on how much i have to be thankful for.  i may have a lot on my plate right now....but who doesn't?  and why do i feel like i am the only one who has a million and one things to do? 

i've worked my buns off the last 18 months for school, and i have managed to keep a 4.0...why isn't that enough?  i have the most supportive family, i have amazing friends, the best kind of love who happens to be my best friend....why do i insist on overlooking all of these things?

i need to be more present in my world.  i need to stop...freaking....out.  i almost can't stand to be around myself! 

so today starts it.  i need to realign my thoughts and know that i'm ok...i'll be ok...and that everything will eventually turn out ok.  i'm going to find joy in every day.  because when i project these happy, positive, joyful feelings out into my universe....magically, thats what the universe sends gracefully back to me. 

it's amazing what a little quite time to ponder does for me.  it brings me back my joy, my sunshine, my grace.

peace and love

Saturday, April 7, 2012


Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

-Max Ehrmann

It's beautiful to me that something written so long ago can mean so much in the present.

Someone whom i've just met a few days ago told me tonight that i remind them of this poem. i came home and looked it up....and honestly, i love that they saw this in me.

over the next few days, i will try and be gentle to myself and to keep peace in my soul. i will surly need it come monday.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

love and other things

oh my i have been gone for a long time.  life has been busy.  the weather was beautiful here last week and i couldn't get myself to sit down and type something.  it felt so good to be outside and in the sun.  also with my classes starting up again it's just been a little busy. 

my trip to see matt is coming up in just a short 3 days!  i cannot wait.  and as the end of the school year approaches, so has the many conversations we are having about my move out there.  it's all coming up quickly.  i hope i am ready!  it's exciting to think about starting a life with someone.  starting a home.  beginning a new routine with someone and learning a new place.  it's really exciting.  i cherish these conversations that we're having about how we want to make our home.  he is very adament about buying a new house, i on the other hand, would be happy in a little one bedroom apatrment, but i guess since we are both 30, and turning 31 this summer, we should get started on making a home together.  but the coziness and closeness of a little apartment appeals to me.  i fel like a house just give way to more clutter and more reason to have "stuff"

after i return home, i think i am going to start listing my large things for sale online....and the other things like kitchen stuff, shelves, and decorations, i guess i'll take to a consignment store to see if i can earn money for them.  moving across the country is expensive, so the less i have the less it'll be.  i am trying to get away with moving with just my clothes, maybe one box of chderished things, and the dogs.  we'll see how that goes.

i came across this photo on Pinterest and foudn that this is how i want my life and my home.  simple, free, loving, free from hatred, and happy. 

i hope everyone enjoys their wednesday....

peace and love to you!

<3 missy

Sunday, March 11, 2012


i haven't posted in forever...partly because i have been super crazy busy wwith school and work, partly because i have been out of town fir a little while, and partly because i feel like i haven't had anything really profound to say. 

but today....i have been thinking of something.  my laptop broke unexpectedly.  luckily, i turned in my final project for school a few days ago, so i am done with school for the next 9 days.  but after it happened, i suddenly felt like i was immediately out of touch with the cyber world.  even though i had my prone working just fine right nixt to me.  i felt like....oh my will i get online? how will i check my email?  what will i do without my laptop while it's being fixed?

now, one thing to know about me is that when things break that are out of my control or stop working for some reason (ie cars, computers, phones, etc.) i tend to lose my mind until someone (either matt or my family or both) brings me back to reality and calms me down.  Last night, it happened to be my brother in law and my sister.  i didn't freak out as much as i usually do, but they gave me good advise about who to take it to to fix it.  so i did, but being that i wasnt in my home town, i had to wait until i got home today to take it to the geek squad.

they were very nice there and they helped me out as much as possible.  they even saved me $100 in the process which i am grateful for.  when they ran all the tests they couldnt find anything they couldn't really fix anything. i was a little relieved thati didnt have to spend $200 to fix it, but a little scared that there is still something wrong and maybe they just didnt find it.

but when i brought it home tonight, and it wouldnt even turn on.....i just about lost it....thats when those feelings set in like i was immediately losing touch with the world of facebook and pinterest and my daily blogs that i read. 

i called their 1-800 number and got some things figured out and had a plan....thats when the calm started to set in again.  I sat down out in the living room with my mom and my little netbook (that's what i am typing on now) and i told her my anxious feelings about the cyberworld.  i dont want to be that type of person.  i dont want to check my phone ever 2.5 seconds for whats happening on facebook like i have missed something life changing.  why have i become that? 

i do not what this cyber world to have this much control over me.  how many of the 190 friend on facebook do i really talk to?  is there really that much that i am missing if i dont have access to facebook?  it actually makes me sick to think i have become a person like this. 

i need to unplug.  i need to take this as a sign that these things do not and will not control my life anymore.  i just dont want any part of it.  i want to sit down and enjoy a book, or meditate, or hang out with my mom and my dogs, or maybe bake something delicious and healthy for my family to enjoy.  there are so many more productive things i should be using my time for.

so over the course of the next few days...i want to start making a list.  i want to list the things i could be and should be doing with my time rather than spending it checking my phone or on the computer.  and i would love some suggestions on how to unplug.  to get away from the darn internet for a little while.  and how to get back to the way life was abd how it should be before the world of facebook, iphones, and being so "connected" all the time.

Monday, February 20, 2012

letting go

i thought this was beautiful and so thought provoking....

what can you let go of to lighten yourself??

Friday, February 17, 2012

day 3

i have been practicing yoga for about a year now.  honestly, i don't know how i really ever survived without it.  throughout the past year, i have really noticed a big change in myself, my mindfullness, and my ability to breathe in situations i wouldn't have been able to otherwise. now, i am not claiming that i don't have the occasional meltdown, but in the every day craziness that creeps in, i handle things SO much differently.  i have learned to breathe.  to take a step back and close my eyes and breathe for 30 seconds.  it's a good good thing.

i try my hardest to practice 3 times a week.  but sometimes, i miss and don't have the chance for one reason of another.  i feel bad when i miss a class.  i feel like i've missed out on time to spend on myself, on my body, and on my mindfulness.  so when i came across this 30 days of yoga challenge on laura's blog, i made sure to commit myself.  if practicing yoga 3 times a week has improved my soul....just think what 30 days of yoga can do for me!  i've been longing to make it a part of my everyday life for some time, and was thrilled that this opportunity came falling right into my lap.

There have been some wonderful women who have joined in and i love the encouragement we're giving each other.  jump over to laura's blog to check out how to sign up and find the group on facebook. 

my day three was definitely my best.  i was so focused, and peaceful, and mindful of my intentions for my practice.  i have never felt better and i am so happy to be starting off my weekend this way.  i am also getting up bright and early to make it to the 7:30 class tomorrow.  i have never practiced in the morning so i am very much looking forward to it. 

namaste everyone!!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012


this is so true. often times we are all so busy to stop and take notice when things are just plain good. right now, I am taking notice. through the madness of our crazy valentines day in kindergarten today, I had to stop and look.

through the craziness of my everyday life, the hectic but exhilarating trip to NYC this weekend, and everything else that i have going on each day, I am making sure to stop and take notice of the good in my life.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

dear nyc....get ready, here we come

and this is where it will all go down!  headed to pittsburgh today....headed to nyc tomorrow.....meeting up with my two sisters for some much much anticipated sister quality time. 

it is so refreshing to spend time with them.  the three of us couldn't be more different, but they just get me.  i get them.  we accept either other's views, we support each other's decisions.  sometimes we are brutally honest with each other.  other times, they are soothing at the exact times i need.  they hurt when i am hurting, they're strong for me when i don't have strength of my own. 

this has been a very long, draining, testing, and exhausting week for me in my personal life.  the past few months have been this way.  they give me space when i need it, and they give me all of themselves when i need them most. 

i often find myself feeling guilty for this.  especially in the last 5 months.  i feel like i have been taking and taking and taking their offerings to me.....and i feel like i don't reciprocate enough.  i have felt like this little lost puppy who constantly needs reassuring, strength, support, and their constant advice and motivation.  it's hard for me to sit back and think of a time when i have been there for them.  it's been just all about me since october and when have i given all of myself to them?   have i been so blinded by my circumstances that i have been completely absent to their needs?  i think this will be an intention i will explore from now on.  am i present enough for them? or am i so selfishly consumed with my own thoughts that i have left their needs in the dust?

the best thing about them is that if i have done this......they will not even blink an eye about it.  they have already forgiven me, they probably weren't even upset in the first place.  and it's because of that, that i adore and love them from the very top of my head to the very tips of my toes. 

Sunday, February 5, 2012

sunday joy

seriously???  how can you NOT smile when you look at this is pure joy.  who ever knew that a camel could be so happy, and this little stinker baby....oh. my. goodness.  i just want to take those cheeks in my hand and smoosh them all over the place. 

i'm feeling quite similar today!  i am having a reiki session done this morning by Sona, my yoga teacher.  this is my first one.  i've been looking forward to it for so long.  i am really craving some balance these days, and i'm really excited to walk in with an open heart, and let the whole experience wash over me. 

i've also been staying at matt's mom's condo that looks over the lake.  this has been a true blessing and gift.  while i am so grateful that my parents have opened their house to me over the past year, i needed some time and space to just be present with myself, be quiet, and to have some space of my own to just breathe.  the setting is perfectly me.  quiet and calm with it's lovely view over the lake and the bay.  i snapped this photo last night of the sunset.  just makes you want to take a deep breath and take it all in.

my other source of joy, is that in just a very short 4 days....i will be driving to pittsburgh to sleep at heather's, to wake up early to drive to the airport, to fly to NYC, to meet our littler sister rachael, to spend the weekend eating, shopping, and having some much needed sister time watching fashions (because it's fashion week there!) and enjoying the beauty of that magnificent city.  phew!!!!  i cannot wait!!!!  i sorta wish we would have all taken off monday so that we'd have an extra day there......but i guess we'll just have to plan another trip (oh darn...)  i'm so excited about it that i want to just jump up and down and, most likely, look just like that child in the photo with the camel!!

so there you have it.....JOY....on so many levels.  pure joy!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

quiet courage

today i will have quiet courage to get me through the day....and if that doesn't work, i will try again tomorrow

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

thoughts in my head

the last photo is something that i truly try to tell myself every day.  i think that even at age 30, i have so much to learn, so much to accept of myself, and honestly, so much more work to do.  i guess that i felt that by the time i reached this age....that i'd have it all figured out.  boy was i ever wrong. 

i think that this is a time when i am actually finding myself.  i am more confident to pursue the things that interest me.  i am stronger about branching out and doing things on my own.  i am more comfortable spending time alone, and i actually long for it.  as i am growing, i need more and more quiet time.  time to reflect.  time to accept.  time to think.   time to just be. 

lately, i have really wanted to just get away and spend some time alone.  i was trying to do some searching on places where i could go away for a weekend all alone and just focus on myself.  maybe get a massage, lay in a big comfy bed reading a book, veg out, take a hot bath, and just be quiet.  the thought of taking time like that to myself almost brings me to tears.  i think it would totally rejuvinate my soul and my mind.  hopefully i will find a place very soon.  because i am certainly on the lookout.

Saturday, January 14, 2012


i was reading this blog today and i came across this quote that touched me deeply. 

"the best way to find direction is to loose your way"

i'm not sure who said it, or where it originated from, but right now....this quote explains my entire being.  I wrote it on my mirror, and i have to remember that whatever is happening, no matter what it is, i need to just trust that everything will unfold the way it's supposed to. 

Friday, January 13, 2012

all i can do

this is just about where i am at, at the present moment.  it's all i can do to just be enough.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

i won't give up

this song just touches my heart for so many reasons....

Monday, January 2, 2012

happy new year

i say bring it on 2012!!  2011 was full of beautiful, wonderful, stressful, happy, sad, and irreplaceable moments.  i have learned a ton and i feel like my life has changed so so much.  no matter if they were moments that made me smile or moments that had me in tears, this year has shaped my life and i feel that i am a better person because of it.

i worked hard in school, i fell head over heels in love, i wasn't scared to lean on family for help when i needed it, and i have learned many real and true things about myself.  i have become a strong person.  i have made friendships stronger, and i have learned to stand up for myself. 

in 2012 i am trying to let go of old expectations of myself and to try to embrace who i am from day to day.  i want to appreciate more of the simple things in life, and to just let go.