Friday, December 30, 2011


“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. Christopher Robin to Pooh” - A. A. Milne

Just what I needed to hear.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011


I love it here. It's exactly the place where I'm supposed to be.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

hello happiness

i love this time of year.....i am finally getting super excited about the holidays.....spending time with family and getting to see matt for a whole entire week!!!.  hurray! 

hello happiness......i haven't seen you in so very long.....please stay a while!!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011


love me some profound words....enjoy...

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could. — Louise Erdrich from The Painted Drum

Monday, November 28, 2011

things unfolded

i closed my eyes today and wondered where my life is going.  i am wondering if i am on the right track.  i am wondering which step to make next because i am so uncertain on what my future holds.  i feel like it was such a short time ago when i was struggling with this limbo stage of "where the heck is my life going", and here i am again, with the rug pulled out from underneath me, trying to figure out which way is left and which way is right, whether to look up or down, and whether to just start over or hope that true love really does conquer all.

i read this the other day, but why is it so so hard for me to believe sometimes?

i've been trying to say this to myself over and over.  i hope one day it sinks in......soon....

Sunday, November 27, 2011

well hello cuteness!


this little girl is just about the best thing in my life.  the fuzziest, the silliest, and the snuggliest.  my my my isn't she a beauty!  just when life gets me all upset.....this little smash face gives me a stinky breath kiss and all things are better. 

just thought i would share a little cuteness with you on this cloudy rainy sunday.  and i just found two of the awesomest things to make her and her buddy winston and their cousins alfred and buddy from santa!  i love christmas!  more to come on those special surprises very soon!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

moving forward

i have decided that i must begin to move forward.  i have been stuck in such an ugly place over the last month.  there are some things that happen in life that are just simply beyond your control.  the only decisions that i actually do have control over are my own.  because i have recently (and finally) just realized that, i am trying to turn over that pretty, fallen, autumn leaf. (i am making it an autumn leaf because i think they're the most beautiful...and hey, it's MY leaf to turn so I"M going to make it what i want it to me **wink**)

I am 30.....and though i am not where i always thought i would be at 30, through working on myself over the last 5 months or so, i have decided to take all of those silly plans i made for myself when i was 18 and throw them out the door straight into lake erie. 

i want to start brand new.  i am just finishing up grad school, and i feel like i can do everything i've wanted to do with my career once i graduate in may.  i am feeling the urge to move to a new place.  a place where i am new, anonymous, and can have a clean slate.  a place that is perfect for me when i close my eyes and day dream. 

though part of me is so saddened to feel like i am closing an extremely important chapter in my life, the other part of me feels anxious and ready to start focusing on myself for the first time in probably 7 years.  i am finally making my wants and needs a priority to myself.  no more putting those things on the back burner until i find the time.  this is my time right now, and the sooner i realize this, the happier i am going to feel in the deepest parts of my soul that have been empty for so so long. 

i am proud of myself.  i have come a long long way and i have been good to myself.  and quite honestly, it feels damn good. 







Wednesday, November 16, 2011

An Apache Blessing

May the sun bring you new energy by day
May the moon softly restore you by night,
May the rain wash away your worries,
May the breeze blow new strength into your being,
May you walk gently through the world and know
... its beauty all the days of your life
My aunt posted this on my facebook today.  And with all of the struggles I've been going though in the last month....this touched my soul and spirit so deeply.  I think i am going to get a canvas and print this on it and try to decorate it beautifly somehow.  I'm not very artsy, but i will try for the pure fact that this warms my soul. 

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

push on

i've been quiet in this space for some time now.  i haven't felt it in my heart to write anything much.  my feelings have felt a little too personal to share with everyone.  i am feeling stronger.  every day, just a little bit stronger.  i am finding time for myself and making some decisions based on me.  i am proud of myself.  at times i feel like i could break into a thousand little pieces, but i take a big deep breath, and swallow back tears sometimes, and i push along.  i truely believe in love.  big, deep, powerful love.  and it comes in many forms from many kinds of people. 

i revisited a blog tonight that i haven't been on in a while and i am so glad i did.  i found this and i wanted to post it here tonight.  i'll go to bed thinking this.  and i'll be ok. 
(courtesy of lydia)

Saturday, October 22, 2011


i have been working on myself lately.  sometimes i am doing well, but this week i am not.  i believe that this is all part of the process.  good days and bad days.  i was excited to be having so many good days, but these bad days have been filled with many extreme emotions.  it's hard to feel helpless.  and thinking about the unknown is even worse. this uncertainty.  sometimes things happen that are out of our control.  the only thing that remains is that "time" thing i spoke about a few posts back.  currently, time is my worst enemy.  i feel like there is too much of it, too much to dwell on, too many hours in the day, and it's something that i have to give someone because i love them.  i don't want to give it, because i'm scared it's going to become something all too precious that i'm going to wish back at some point.  but here is that uncertainty.  that unknown. 

i'm supposed to be working on myself during this time.  that is what i'll do.  moments of emotion, tears, anger, pain, sometimes cleansing breaths, random  moments of calm, frequent heartbeats filled with anxeity.  but i will make it.  somehow, i seem to find strenght somewhere.  sometimes through hope.  and hope is what i hold on to. 

Sunday, October 16, 2011

vegas in october

My trip to visit matt was magical.  We had the most wonderful time and spent every second together.  It felt so good to have him near me in the flesh, and we were able to reconnect.  The absolute best part was the fact that i could reach out and hug him whenever i wanted. 

Just a short 38 days until i get to see him again!  Bring on the countdown!

Here are some highlights from our trip

I miss him already and i cannot wait to see him again soon!!!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

so so lucky

Tonight is tuesday....tomorrow is wednesday.....the next day is thursday.  Thursday is the day i drive to pittsburgh after work to see my sister, have a nice dinner with her, stay the night at her house...and then FRIDAY!!!!  Friday is the day i get up really really really early to make my flight at 6:20am to fly to Vegas to see my hunny!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

i. love. ellen.

Remember this post with that beautiful little floral green teacup.  Well, a couple weeks ago, after a long day of kindergarten....I had a little brown box waiting for me at home.  That little brown box was from one of the dearest people I know.

See her?  That's Ellen, Matt's sister.  I believe in my heart of hearts that we are soul sisters.  Well, i have no clue where that teacup had come from, i just saw it in a photograph, and was smitten with it.  So, i open up the little brown package and out pops this!
Yup, my souls sister searched and searched and found the cup right here.  And ever since then, I am loving my coffee in the mornings.  And i pretty much also love her. 

Thursday, September 29, 2011

the funny thing about time

It's finally here.  This time next week i will be sitting and my sisters house, probably just getting back from a delicious dinner, too excited to go to bed.  I feel like it's taken forever to get here...but my trip to see Matt is just a week away.  Ugh thank goodness.....I feel like I have been counting down forever! 

I always thought of "time" as something of a crazy mystery.  You never seem to have enough of's always never feel like waiting for things to happen...sometimes other things seem to take forever.  How is this "time" thing so much of a troublmaker in my life?

And from October 7th to the 10th, when I am back in Vegas visiting Matt, it's going to mess with me again.  As looooong as i have waited to see him, some of the days have just gone by so slowly.  And during my 3 day visit, i just know time will fly by quicker than i want it to.

Why can't the days that i wait and wait in anticipation fly by the way they will when i am there, trying to drink in every moment with him?

Ugh darn you Mr. Time!!! 

What i DO know is that i am going there with zero expectations and i am just going to enjoy every single minute i get to spend with him.  Living so far apart is hard enough, the last thing i want to do is WASTE my time thinking about what i expected my trip to be like.  I want to take a walk with him, maybe have a nice meal or two, enjoy quiet time together, have a cold beer with him, and just take in every detail of him to hold me over until Thanksgiving.  Time will not get to me during those days.....i do know that....because i will not let it!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


Today was a beautiful day....the sun was out, the sky was blue, there were big fluffy soft clouds in the sky, my students behaved themselves today, i had a GREAT yoga class, and I get to see my Matt in just a very very short 10 days!!!  So i thought i'd leave you with some sunbeam love today!

Enjoy :)

Oh and this little bacon stealing cute that i was to just smoosh her little face in!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Momma's got a brand new bag!!!!


thanks to my little ol' town of Erie, PA.....they still has some stuff on the racks in my size!  Not much....but I did get the skirt i liked!  I seorusly didn't think that anyone in Erie would know who or what Missoni was, but they did....and it was pretty picked over...but i guess i had a little lucky star watching out for me today!! 

I got this skirt-----

and this GREAT tote bag for school

and momma REALLY wants these too but they didn't have any in my size

Obviously, I know they are all the same print and even though i am no fashionista, I know not to wear them all together....don't worry folks!

Wheeeeee wheeeeee wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!  I am so excited!