i have been working on myself lately. sometimes i am doing well, but this week i am not. i believe that this is all part of the process. good days and bad days. i was excited to be having so many good days, but these bad days have been filled with many extreme emotions. it's hard to feel helpless. and thinking about the unknown is even worse. this uncertainty. sometimes things happen that are out of our control. the only thing that remains is that "time" thing i spoke about a few posts back. currently, time is my worst enemy. i feel like there is too much of it, too much to dwell on, too many hours in the day, and it's something that i have to give someone because i love them. i don't want to give it, because i'm scared it's going to become something all too precious that i'm going to wish back at some point. but here is that uncertainty. that unknown.
i'm supposed to be working on myself during this time. that is what i'll do. moments of emotion, tears, anger, pain, sometimes cleansing breaths, random moments of calm, frequent heartbeats filled with anxeity. but i will make it. somehow, i seem to find strenght somewhere. sometimes through hope. and hope is what i hold on to.