Saturday, November 19, 2011

moving forward

i have decided that i must begin to move forward.  i have been stuck in such an ugly place over the last month.  there are some things that happen in life that are just simply beyond your control.  the only decisions that i actually do have control over are my own.  because i have recently (and finally) just realized that, i am trying to turn over that pretty, fallen, autumn leaf. (i am making it an autumn leaf because i think they're the most beautiful...and hey, it's MY leaf to turn so I"M going to make it what i want it to me **wink**)

I am 30.....and though i am not where i always thought i would be at 30, through working on myself over the last 5 months or so, i have decided to take all of those silly plans i made for myself when i was 18 and throw them out the door straight into lake erie. 

i want to start brand new.  i am just finishing up grad school, and i feel like i can do everything i've wanted to do with my career once i graduate in may.  i am feeling the urge to move to a new place.  a place where i am new, anonymous, and can have a clean slate.  a place that is perfect for me when i close my eyes and day dream. 

though part of me is so saddened to feel like i am closing an extremely important chapter in my life, the other part of me feels anxious and ready to start focusing on myself for the first time in probably 7 years.  i am finally making my wants and needs a priority to myself.  no more putting those things on the back burner until i find the time.  this is my time right now, and the sooner i realize this, the happier i am going to feel in the deepest parts of my soul that have been empty for so so long. 

i am proud of myself.  i have come a long long way and i have been good to myself.  and quite honestly, it feels damn good. 







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